A Sparkleforce Glam Lab Experience

What if getting your sexy back had very little to do with being sexier? And a whole lot more to do with feeling like you again.

101 Get Your Sexy Back is an eight session, self-paced online programme for perimenopausal women/people. It is Neuroburlesk: neuroscience informed burlesque that helps you reconnect with your body, your sensuality and your self trust. On your terms. For your own gaze.

Yep. Neuroscience.

Yep. Burlesque. Turns out they make surprisingly good friends.

And before your brain immediately goes:

• "NOPE. I cannot dance. Or...
• "I do not have the body for burlesque" Or...
• "There is absolutely no way I am taking my clothes off, Crystal!"

Good news. You can arrive with two left feet, a body of any size and shape, and your knickers exactly where they are. So that is where we start.

Let's start there.

The quiet noticing

Somewhere along the way, things changed.

Maybe your patience got shorter. Things you used to tolerate now make you want to scream into a cushion. Your body has started answering differently.

Confidence can feel there one minute and completely offline the next.

You might walk into a room feeling perfectly fine... then suddenly become very aware of your body.

Your age.

Your clothes.

Your stomach.

Your arms.

Whether you are taking up too much space.

Or not enough.

And there can be this strange feeling underneath all of it: When did I start watching myself from the outside?

Because you are still functioning. Still doing the things. Still sorting everyone else out. Still replying to emails, remembering appointments, working, parenting, organising and generally keeping the wheels attached to the bus.

But inside?

Things can feel very different.

What is actually happening

Perimenopause has a rather inconvenient habit of making things harder to ignore.

The irritation.

The exhaustion.

The restlessness.

The things you have said yes to for years that suddenly feel like a very definite NOPE. That irritation is information. So is the exhaustion. So is the NOPE. You are still a perfectly functioning human, and you may be ready for something other than another mindset hack.

Sometimes the body is giving you information.

And if you have spent years pushing through, people pleasing, holding everything together and being the person everyone can rely on... you may have had very little practice listening.

That is part of what we do here.

Quiet, steady confidence

This is not about becoming the loudest woman in the room.

I teach the kind of confidence you feel from the inside, rather than the kind you perform.

You know the type: shoulders back. Chest up. Smile. Fake it till you make it. Meanwhile your nervous system is standing behind you waving both arms and shouting:

ABSOLUTELY NOT.

Confidence is not just something that happens in your thoughts.

It shows up in your body. In your breath. Your posture. Your ability to make a decision without holding a three day board meeting inside your own head afterwards.

Your ability to say no.

Your choice about when you are seen, and by whom.

And your ability to recover when something feels uncomfortable.

That is the confidence we are interested in

Quiet.

Steady.

Available more often.

The method

Enter the Sparkle System.

Yes, I gave a set of nervous system practices a sparkly name. It seemed rude not to. First we arrive. Then we sparkle.

The Sparkle System is my nine step framework combining neuroscience informed practices with embodied tools.

Some of the practices I teach publicly include:

Orientation: let your eyes wander around the room, or out to the horizon, and notice what is actually here. Keep going until you feel like stretching or yawning.

Heart coherence: rest a hand on your heart, breathe slowly through that space and think of something that feels warm. Notice what changes.

The physiological sigh: two quick breaths in, one long and thoroughly dramatic sigh out. Or gargle for a minute. Silly? Slightly. Try it and see.

Those are three of the nine steps. The other six are taught inside the programme.

And this is where things start getting interesting.

Because knowing something and being able to access it when your nervous system is yelling !!DANGER!! !!DANGER!! !!DANGER!! are two very different things.

The Sparkle System gives you practices.

Things to actually do. Things you can repeat. Things your body can begin to recognise.

Why burlesque

Then we add burlesque.

Because obviously.

Burlesque is usually imagined as the art of being watched. Here we start earlier: in the dressing room, before anyone arrives. Burlesque becomes a playground for presence, pacing, anticipation and choice. Being seen is something you choose, rather than something you owe.

You get to notice things like: Where do I hold my breath? What happens when I move slowly? Do I immediately make myself smaller? What happens when I give myself my full attention? Where does my body say yes? What does that feel like? Where does it say absolutely not?

Can I take up space without apologising? Can I move because something feels good rather than because I am trying to burn calories or fix myself?

There is a lot of information there.

And we get to explore it with movement, humour, curiosity and the occasional feather boa.

Come as you are

You can arrive EXACTLY as you are.

Please read that again.

You can arrive exactly as you are.

Arriving already sexy would make the programme rather redundant. #CaptainObvious. You can arrive feeling awkward.

Self-conscious.

Tired.

Disconnected.

Nervous.

Curious.

Prudish.

Deeply suspicious of anything involving hip circles.

All invited and welcomed.

We start somewhere quieter: Hello, body. It has been a while. What is happening in here?

The shifts

What can begin to change?

Sometimes it starts very quietly. Your shoulders drop. Your breath gets deeper. You catch yourself recovering from stress faster. You notice you are speaking differently. You stop automatically explaining every decision. You say no to something without writing an internal thesis on why you are allowed to.

You wear the thing.

Apply for the role.

Wear the earrings when nobody is coming over.

Ask for what you need.

Let yourself be seen, when you choose.

Or simply stand in front of the mirror for a little longer without immediately finding something to criticise.

These are possibilities rather than promises. Every nervous system, history and life is different.

But these are the kinds of changes students have described as they begin feeling steadier and more at home in themselves.

"Crystal helped me become the person I was meant to be.” — T, 43 years

The internal stuff comes first.

Then sometimes it starts leaking into the rest of life.

In a good way.

The logistics

Here is how 101 Get Your Sexy Back works.

For eight sessions, you will work through one class at a time.

Each class is approximately one hour.

101 is being recorded now. Join the waitlist to hear the moment the doors open.

You receive access to the full programme rather than having to wait for each lesson to unlock.

That means if your brain is saying: MORE PLEASE — you can keep going. And if life gets life-y and you need to slow down, you can do that too.

There is a suggested rhythm.

There is not a Sparkle Police officer checking whether you completed Week 4 by precisely 2:33pm on Thursday.

Although now I have said 2:33pm your brain will probably remember it. You are welcome.

Trauma-informed, always

And because this is trauma-informed...

You are always in choice.

That matters. You can make a movement smaller. You can sit something out. You can press pause. You can rewind. You can watch.

You can decide something is not right for your body today.

You can change your mind.

Performance is optional • Stripping is optional • The gold star goes to listening to yourself.

This work is about building agency.

It would be rather ridiculous if I took yours away while teaching it.

Your teacher

Why am I teaching this?

I am Mx Crystal Mischief. My pronouns are they/them, whatever my exterior suggests.

I have been teaching and performing burlesque since 2010. And in case you have not guessed, I am also a massive neuroscience geek.

That combination was not exactly part of a ten year business plan. Life had other ideas.

Over five years I experienced four brain injuries. At my worst, I lost my vision, developed a significant stutter and had to relearn things as basic as sending an email and using Microsoft Word.

My nervous system and I got very closely acquainted. Not voluntarily. It was harrrrrrrrd. There were days when symptoms were so bad I would curl up in bed and dream about performing and teaching again.

The lights.

Noise.

Crowds.

All of the things I had loved became overwhelming.

Then came PTSD, surgical menopause and a long stretch of not being listened to.

Throughout all of it there was Sparkleforce.

On some of my darkest days it gave me something to hang onto.

And while I would happily have skipped several parts of that particular educational experience, it changed how I teach. I did not just want to know nervous system theory. I needed tools that worked when things were hard.

That lived experience eventually sat alongside my MSc in Neuroscience and years of embodied practice.

The Sparkle System came from all of it.

The science.

The teaching.

The mistakes.

The experimenting.

The very unglamorous moments.

And quite a lot of sparkle.

The investment

The foundational price is NZ$697

This is the foundational price for 101 Get Your Sexy Back.

The Founding Price closes 31 December 2026.

After that, the price becomes NZ$1,628. Payment is in full.

No weird fake countdown clock.

No "the price disappears in 7 minutes!!!" business.

Just the actual situation.

NZ$697 until 31 December 2026. NZ$1,628 after that.

NZ$697